take these pills and shove it!

That's right!! I'm ditching the ol' birth control pill. We've had good times and we've had bad times but in the end, I think we just grew apart. It's not the obligation to remember to take it each night that gets me down.... and it's not that I'm trying to be a mommy just yet {oh, that reminds me...note to self: renew subscription to Behind the Times and call the bus station to see if I can get a rain check ticket since apparently I've missed the bus - yeah, I'm a bitter bitch - what about it?}...my reasons for ditching the ol' oral contraceptive are purely superficial - I'm tired of the BC weight. Ya know the 10-15 lbs that you slowly pack on when you're on the pill. It starts as a pound here and a pooch there...and one day you wake up to find that you're 20 pounds heavier than what you want to be but you can't explain it because A.) you don't drink B.) you eat right C.) you work out at least 4 days a week for an hour at a time but you still can't change your weight and you can't figure it out. Then you start thinking "Hhmmm..." and you talk to girlfriends and find out that they too put on weight when they where taking the pill. Son-of-a-bitch. No wonder the damn thing works. Take the pill, gain weight, feel unsexy because you're a little more squishy than you remember being...and slowly watch your sex life go the way of the buffalo...then there's no way to get pregnant. Bastards.

But I gotta level with you. I wouldn't be upset if we did get pregnant. In fact, I can't think of anything I'd rather do than start a family. I guess my bitterness is a touch of jealousy mixed with a hair of anxiety and a pinch of denial. As you may or may not know me and my hubby are newlyweds...like 2 months to the day, actually. So, I think "Should be wait til we've been married a little longer?" And in addition to the whole newlywed thing...uh, we're moving to the other side of the world and will be there for 3 years. We're not even going to address the potential breakdown that could / would happen to my mother if I got pregnant over there and she couldn't spend every moment with her only baby's baby. Plus, while in Japan we want to see the world - add a few dozen stamps to the passport - visit countries - eat strange food - travel and be free...and that's a little hard to do when you have a baby in tow...or you're preggers. Granted, we won't be jetsetting all the time, but still. OH! And let me give you a scenario that will send chills down your spine:: 14+ hours in a plane with a baby...AH! {EC you thought DC to Key West was rough - can you imagine?} And then there's the denial which is really just disbelief...which I guess are the same thing. Like I know I'm 25 and technically responsible enough to have a baby...I don't doubt my abilities to learn how to be a mom...it's just that holy crap, I still feel like I'm 18 and the thought of purposely trying to conceive...to bring life into this world...well, it scares the piss out of me and makes my upper lip sweat a little. But, honest to goodness, there are times when I have these primal, almost barbaric feelings and it's like my uterus is screaming "Must. Make. Baby." Is that normal??

To all of my blogger buddies out there...preggo or otherwise...are these feelings normal? Did you feel that way - anxious and nervous?? Or did you wake up one day and think "let's do this thing"? How about my friends who don't have little ones yet - do you ever feel that way? Let me know...